5 /5 Domenic Saporito: I ventured into Usta Turkish Restaurant on a Sunday night, expecting the usual sleepy-suburb energy of Greenvale, where the most exciting thing happening after 6pm is someone forgetting to bring their bins in. Instead, I walked into what looked like the unofficial Turkish embassy of Melbourne, absolutely buzzing with people who clearly know something the rest of the city doesn’t.
Let me get straight to it: the food is phenomenal. Not “good for Greenvale”, not “good for a Sunday”, not “good considering the chef isn’t a celebrity with a 14-episode SBS special” No, Phenomenal, full stop.
Huge portions, flavours that deserve their own postcode, and quality that would make half of Istanbul’s culinary elite pack up and go home. They even have Salaam Cola! Kind of like Turkish Coke Zero - but better! Check the photo.
And the kitchen? Just as I like it - open, spotless and surgical. Not a single place to hide a dodgy chicken skewer or a questionable salad. Everything is transparent. Almost too transparent. (At one point I think I saw someone’s soul leave their body while perfectly seasoning a kebab.)
The service? Friendly, polite, and competent. Good mix of "what can I get for you?" and leave me the hell alone to munch on my lamb cutlets!
Now… my one gripe. Whats a review without a gripe?! And trust me, I tried to let it go. I really did. But I can’t. The menus.
Not the dishes in the menu. The dishes are life-changing. I’m talking about the physical menus. Photocopies. Laminated in plastic. I don’t know whos responsible, but whoever it is definitely said the words: “Yeah, that’ll do.” But most likely in Turkish.
For a place producing food worthy of a UNESCO heritage listing, handing out laminated photocopies feels… mismatched.
But honestly? If the worst thing I can say about a restaurant is that their menus look like something a Year 9 student laminated in homeroom, then they’re doing pretty damn well.
To the good people east of the Yarra...my condolences.
You simply will never find a place like this. Not now. Not ever. No matter how much smashed avo you sacrifice.
Usta, you remain Greenvale’s greatest surprise. May your food stay unbelievable, your kitchen stay spotless, and may someone, anyone, please update those menus.